life of liziedoo (ly-zee-doo)

when i grow up

2009-01-21T08:22:00.000-08:00

classroom conversation from yesterday:
teacher's assistant: connor, what does your mom do?
connor: she makes stuff. (insert toothless grin here)

how can it be that it is in simple moments like these we realize our dreams really have come to fruition? i've been spending so much time trying to get somewhere only to realize... i've beat myself up the mountain.
i do make stuff. that is so freakin' cool.

drumroll, please.

2009-01-13T16:04:00.000-08:00

due to no miracle like me getting off my ass and keeping promises, here are some pics of the shop. they are courtesy of a lovely, charming and oh-sooooo-talented local photographer, erin wallace. you can see her beautiful work here:http://ewallacephotography.com/. check it out!
and now, without further ado... the pictures of the shop i've been talking about! see kids, your mom always told you not to procrastinate, but there's a lesson here. put it off long enough, and eventually a talented local professional will come around and do the dirty work for you. huh?
there it is, and more coming every day... i can't express my gratitude in words that would justify to all these talented artisans what their faith and spirit means to us!

coming undone and redone

2009-01-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

i ahve been sufferring through a devil of a sinus infection. was'nt that mature-sounding? a "devil of a sinus infection"? too much time with gram over the holidays... so i've been m.i.a. and whining. a lot. it's on the up and up and it seems whenever i get sick and have to stay down (a.k.a my husband has duct taped me to the couch)i have to rearrange something, some room, to assert my newfound strength. last virus had the kitchen/living area looking mighty spiffy, this time it was a badly needed redo of the shop space. we were lucky enough that linens n'things was going out of business nearby("nearby"in maine-speak?40 minutes, 3 toddlers, the lion king soundtrck and cheddar bunnies aplenty)and kim and i scored a crapton of retail shelving for the shop. we thought we had a pretty good setup initially, but the crafter grand total thus far hovers in the 30's, and our cath-as-catch-can display tactic were'nt working. today we got up slatwall and some cool retail display units. gap style. pics to follow tomorrow, but check out the site... it's getting better, too!
http://www.buykindred.com/

shots from the shop...

2008-12-23T16:56:00.000-08:00

and some gingerbread cookie makin'...
and a little one who turned two...
how can life move so fast?

this is sooooo important!

2008-12-16T17:19:00.000-08:00

http://coolmompicks.com/savehandmade/
read it and act on it! moms like me depend on the things we create in an effort to improve the quality of our kid's lives and fulfill our creative side. some even (gasp)depend on our handcrafts for a living...
i'm all for more strict safety laws on mass-produced goods, but for those of us sewing lovely little cotton apron dresses and felted teddies? not so much.

like a day without sunshine...

2008-12-09T10:21:00.000-08:00

my camera has fully s*** the bed, y'all. but never fear, along came my hubby and posed an even greater dilemma... my new camera. it's big, it's purty, i know it was wicked expensive, and frankly folks, i want my crappy camera back. i swear, i won't complain that i have to listen to that beep while it tells me my "card cover is open", because in my heart, i'll know its really not. i won't moan about carpal tunnel syndrome induced by having to hold the usb plug in place while i upload 700 photos. i will embrace the fact that using a flash outdoors in broad daylight could be fun. work with me, this monster scares the bajeepers outta me. but i digress... i simply meant to post and apologize for the lack of pics lately and to tell you that business has been great. people have been soooo supportive! a woman came today from the local paper to photograph us, too! guess what? she had a nikon d60. guess what else? that's the camera i have now. does that make me a professional? expect pics soon! also- a big thanks to pinecone and chickadee of portland for sending a huge hunk o' unbelievable clothing and paper goods, no questions asked! we love 'em!

absentee blogger

2008-12-02T17:07:00.000-08:00

i have been undoubtedly m.i.a. i'm not gonna kid myself and say that the world has been worse for the wear without me to bitch about my kids, life, business, etc. so much has changed so quickly around here that sometimes i can't seem to wrap my feeble sleep-deprived brain around it. really, i confess, it's a pipe-dream manifested. for as long as i can remember my drive to create and share my creations has been a force to be reckoned with. there are days where i can hardly function for the NEED to create what is swimming in my head is so urgent (ocd, anyone?). there's a beauty and a cross to bear and finding that balance, as with everything, has been my challenge.
and then this karmic little shop space came to pass... and i could'nt say "no". luckily, my dear friend, kim, could'nt either. so off we go, on a brand new and crazy adventure. i am excited, exhausted, scared and anxious. i do, though, know in my heart it was meant to be. our response has been soooo positive in this community and in the extended etsy community that i feel we will just grow and grow.
i'm taking over the world, y'all. starting with this:

http://www.buykindred.com/

it's gonna be great. check it out!

fall in the air (aka "why are my kids so sick?")

2008-10-08T15:30:00.001-07:00

aaarg.
the school year is here, we've finally transitioned into the "montessori way", and the leaves have turned and begun their descent groundward(i know i made that word up, it even looks funny). last season we had the occaisonal cold and a few bouts of tummy upset, but NOTHING like the crud that has crept around thus far. my kids have been "under the weather" literally since school started. i've hit a wall with this. my breaking point? yeah, it's here, it's now, and oooohwee is it gonna get UGLY.
i can come down fairly hard on myself in the parenting department. ever since i decided i wanted to stay home with my kids i have viewed it as my "job" and come at it whole-hog...surprised?
health, hygeine and happiness are my mission (impossible)on the homefront. these bouts of rundown, chronic crap are my nemesis. my kids don't eat crap, they get to bed early, get excercise and fresh air, and take multi-vitamins, fish oil, and vitamin d DAILY. where have i gone wrong? hopefully, new school, new kids, new germs is the culprit, not some horrible oversight in the mothering department.
this too shall pass.
if not, and this blog lapses longer than two weeks time, please come pull me out of the corner.
that said, we did get out briefly for some lover-ly maine fall leaf frolicking.
enjoy!

sometimes i make stuff

2008-10-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

posted some new things in the etsy shop. i've been sooooo bogged down lately. i feel as though i'm barely above water sometimes and the other time i'm just floundering around. i'm at a crossroads for sure, putting tons of new ideas and stuff out there into the world and getting really positive feedback has been wonderful and well, scary, to be frank. i'm getting close to where i want to be with owning my own business and creating and selling and all that and its giving me the heebie-jeebies. i feel like its now or never and the what-ifs are getting the better of me. with holiday craft shows, loads of custom orders, and new business props on the table i'm questioning everything. will i be gyping my kids? at what price will the fulfillment of my dream come? will i have to lean on my husband for extra time and favors, thereby cutting into his time for his business? will i fail my customers? will i get tired of producing and become uninspired once the goal is attained?

and i wonder why i can't sleep? any advice? c'mon folks, help me here.

metamorhosis

2008-09-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

so much change

every day

stretching our wings

seeking

finding

flight

the kickoff

2008-09-08T11:34:00.001-07:00

oy.
our kids started at a local montessori school this year. we are ecstatic so far, and have only the highest hopes for their continued adjustment and happiness. both phil and i are "sporty" types under our somewhat crunchy facade (he more so than i, but i was quite the all-out athlete in school where he still needs his weekly hockey fix). despite our excitement at the new environment for the kids, i could almost see phil throw up in his mouth a little bit when they told us they did not have a phys-ed program or a sports program. so, being the forward-thinkin' mama i am, i volunteered us (suckers) to start a soccer program 2x a week after school.
why do i think i'm qualified to do this? what makes me think i can come up with anything fun or motivating for these children to do? why am i stretching myself so thin always? what the hell am i doing blogging when i have 20 minutes before i have to leave for our first practice?
like i said...
oy.

olive

2008-08-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

i have stated many times in the past years that there seems to be a growing trend towards having a new baby every two years. it seems everyone in our circle of friends adhered directly to the "two year rule". having such a unique family (having my oldest daughter and my stepson be 8mos apart was a lot like having twins for a while so we waited until they were 4 before connor came along and connor was 5 when olivia was born)i always thought that i'd rather have a lobotomy than a 2 yr old and a newborn. it just seemed so hard.

okay y'all, i get it now. not that i'm thinking of having any more anytime soon (then a lobotomy would be in order) but i'm seeing where the urge to reproduce again stems from. over the past few months my baby has stopped being a baby and i think it's so clear and almost painful to watch this time around because she's so very much the baby, her closest sibling is almost 6 years older!
i find myself lately wanting to do all those things that parents do as their babies become more and more like little people and less like babbling mini-humans. i watch her sleep, i smell her soft (and oh -so -sparse) baby hair, i cry when she ballet dances with her big sister, i kiss her toes, listen to her sing, and rock her to sleep whenever she'll let me (she's a slippery little bugger). phil and i joke she'll have to go to kindergarten with a note in her lunch box reading," please excuse olivia jane at lunch today, she will be going home to nurse". i just can't get enough of this kid, you guys. she's moving out of babyhood and on to independence and individuality and it pulls my heart in so may ways how she needs me soooo badly one minute, and can't race away fast enough on her radio flyer the next.
our lives are hectic and in constant motion around here, and with 4 kiddos its easy to feel like you are missing something that someone is doing. my goal is to try harder to celebrate the NOW with my children. being the ocd personality that i am, its easy for me to be more of a human doing than a human being. olivia brings me back to center. back to the place where i need to be.here.now. and hug and laugh and cherish a just watch.
what an amazing and crazy thing to be able to create life and know that this being is not ever really your child at all, but her very own person, entrusted to us by some magical, mystical thing. i will watch you grow, olivia, i will let you be you and thank you for giving me so many opportunities to reflect on the true meaning of life.

solar shower... the final frontier

2008-07-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

so here it is, minus a few small things that need minor tweaking. the hubby broke her in last night, but sorry guys, those pics are for me only! haha...

i think this(picture directly above) is my favorite part. i had some scraps left over from boarding up the sides (yes, folks, i did that. i dragged scummy old boards out from under one of our outbuildings, cut them and screwed them on)and i made this shampoo/soap shelf. the holes drilled thru the sides will have hemp strung through them to create kind of a net so the items don't fall out. it's the little things that make a girl happy, ya know? i'm also thinking of putting the curtain on the inside, but it was blowing so much yesterday that logically it seemed better to have it outside. this is where hubby steps in and asks me why don't i just weight the bottom? oh, yeah.

whaddya think? i'm really interested in getting some feedback or comments on this project and here what other families are doing to be a bit more green... i'd love to share it with my family.

building an outdoor shower (semi tutorial) part deux

2008-07-14T04:53:00.000-07:00

this is what the sky looked like yesterday in the morning. apollo was not being a cooperative fellow ,to say the least. but by 10 it was sunny and the wind was blowing a gentle 25 miles per hour (or so it felt). regardless, we started our project. i'm an "instant gratification" kind of gal, and i'd been waiting weeks to cash in on some of the hubby's time. i finally had him, and he wasn't gonna slither away...

we also recruited some strong young fellas to do the grunt work (seen here spreading out the drainage rock over the weed barrier) unfortunately our older daughter got herself a case of the stomach ickies so she couldn't help, but she was bummed, being a real die-hard junior environmentalist-

these fir beams were salvaged from a house my husband's crew rebuilt (note to ladies: if you are a diy kind of gal, you can't do better than to snag yourself a carpenter/woodworker in the way of freebie slave labor and materials. just a thought...) and we cut them to size (about 71/2 ft) and leveled them, and braced them, and did it again when they blew down (almost severing said carpenter's foot)

we then notched the tops of the posts in order to fit the top frame into place (yes, that is my youngest son, he's been chopping dovetails that would make bob vila jealous since he was about 3)

we re-set the posts and fit the top frame and cross-braces (notice: you must be wearing just a carpenter's vest contraption, have tattoos, and flexy muscles to perform this task)

then 2 more beams to span the top and set the watering can between (screws in the handle

barrel went up and was strapped w/ ties (winds were gale-force by this time)

and the "plumbing" was installed ( black short length of hose from barrel spigot , on/off tap between, and then into watering can)
the effect is sooooo cool! it's still not quite done- needs siding (insert neighbor's sigh of relief here), a pallet/ platform floor, and of course, a linen curtain (which you can find in my shop, too, excuse the shameless plug!) i'm sure finished product pics are to come...

the day looks like this today(look familiar?)

so action shower-shots are not in the forecast... but rain is!

here comes the sun...GOING SOLAR WITH AN OUTDOOR SHOWER

2008-07-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

we try around here to be as green as possible. we have our shopping totes (how many times do we get to the store and i say, "oh my gosh guys, i left them home again") and our recycling bins ("WHY IS IT SOOOO HARD FOR YOU ALL TO WALK OUT TO THE PORCH WITH THIS CARTON? 10 EXTRA STEPS COULD HELP US SAVE THE PLANET, BUT NOOOOO...) we try to shut off lights and appliances religiously (i call my husband the lightswitch nazi) and i always hang our laundry out when the weather is nice. for a big ole family, i think we are leaving a relatively small footprint. except when it comes to showers. no matter how ya slice it, summer is sweaty, the pool is chloriney, there is dirt to be played in, ponds and oceans to be swum in, and that makes for A LOT of dirty people. my whole being also shudders to think that someone may get into those crispy-clean sheets with icky body and feet syndrome (yep, that pesky ocd thing just won't leave me alone). soooooo... we're goin' solar, baby! i've been begging for an out door shower forever and i found this great article while searching the net http://www.countrysidemag.com/issues/90/90-6/Edward_Shultz.html and thought it would so work for our family. we have an adorable little cottage (one room and a loft, potty in the great outdoors) and i think that having a shower out there alongside it will be great for guests, of which we have many. i can't wait and i'm gonna post about the progress... so stay tuned, crunchy people!

phase 1- getting our shit together...

awesome rain-catcher barrel found at local hardware store (plans called for 2 aluminum trash cans, but this is already plumbed w/ a spigot and is a nice thick, insulated plastic)

most excellent hillbilly-chic copper watering can to be used as shower head

digging and sod-transport devices (also known as shovel and baby's wagon as wheelbarrow is infirm)

top layer of sod removed and prepped for gravel and landscape barrier for base of shower

misc. plumbing supplies (okay, i have no frickin' idea how this will be assembled but having utmost trust in hubby's mechanical abilities, it'll work)

teaser- next post: sweaty shirtless men assembling shower under my watchful eye... it's gonna be good, ladies.

BRING ON THE SUNSHINE!

tough life

2008-07-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

last night after a marathon baseball game at mima and papa's (okay, the last half consisted of dragging one another through the grass by the wiffle bat) i had some itchy, sweaty, grubby kiddos to contend with. and a cranky baby. well, that cranky baby went right to bed as soon as we got home (praise be) and it was time to de-funk my big kids. what better way than a dip in the pool? by the light of a lovely rising moon, no less...

as a kid i always remember my aunt as being one of the very important people in my life. some saturdays, we'd just get in the car and "go". whether our path led us to a nature reserve, yard sale-ing for treasure, or the glass museum, it was always 10 times more fun than just saying, "okay kids, let's go to the glass museum!".

and so they swam. while my happy little jack russell "nell" loudly and contentedly attacked her ball (which is her match in both size and weight, but she won't chase anything but soccer balls) and the mosquitoes buzzed and that lovely moon continued to rise to the tune of summer and children and LAUGHTER in our home again. last night i understood a bit better the concept of "letting go". my ocd tells me to "SHOWER THOSE KIDS AND GET THEM STRAIGHT TO BED. THEY'RE RUNNING THEMSELVES RAGGED!SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET SICK!" but my heart is beginning to tell me things like," be spontaneous, liza. they'll remember this beautiful night and tell their children when they have them. maybe they will even be inspired to let their own children do things out of the box... just because. listen to the laughter!"

and laugh they did. by the light of the big, maine moon.

know thyself

2008-07-10T05:11:00.000-07:00

taylor has just turned 10. he is a small 10, with many vague physical and emotional issues. since removing dairy from his diet (after numerous assurances from doctors and allergists that he WAS NOT ALLERGIC TO DAIRY) he has made a huge turnaround physically and emotionally. taylor is sometimes(okay, lots of times) a very trying child, but his uniqueness is magnetic. he is remarkably bright and naiive, blissfully naiive, i think. kids can be so cruel, but he never censors himself or changes the fabric of who he is in order to fit in. despite many cautionary (okay, blatantly, infuriatingly derrogatory and negative) warnings from teachers and school specialists, he will be attending montessori school next year. i think that it will be a great fit for him. i just have to keep saying to myself that i know my kid, i've been right many times before about things medical professionals have sniffed at. i've even saved his life once. that has to count for something! anyway, i have to believe taylor is the kind of kid you never know about. he's full of surprises and wisdom above his years, despite his tiny frame and sometimes infantile behavior. people keep warning me not to "set him up for failure", but i think something is only a failure if we are told it is a failure, right? i'm thinking montessori school is gonna be great, but if it's not the right fit, i'm being told by his "team" that i'm just setting him up for a failure. i say failure is relative. if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. that's life, another lesson learned. we don't tell him it's a "failure", we tell him it's an "experience". they say in al-anon that people are either your light (showing you new ways to live, learn, cope) or your mirror (a reflection of your true self, like it or not). taylor has been heartbreakingly both for me.

a conversation with taylor yesterday:

t (to younger brother connor): you are such a NERD!

me: taylor, that is not very nice.

t: what? he IS.

me: why say that? do you know what a "nerd" is?

t: someone wicked annoying.

me: no, bud. people say a "nerd" is someone who spends the day with their head in a book, or loves science and experiments, maybe someone who knows lots of science or other-related facts(in robotic voice) like; "the diameter of the great pyramids was...."

t:oh, oops. sorry connor.

connor (coming up from under water in pool, completely unphased by "nerd"-calling): huh?

t: i said sorry i called you a nerd.

connor:oh. okay.

t: mom?

me: yes, taylor?

t: i'm a NERD!

me: me too, buddy.me too.

t: connor is still wicked annoyoing, though.

RIGHT.

a break...

2008-07-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

more like a sabatical, but it was much-needed and very fruitful! i have always been a writer and used that talent to manage stress in my life and as a therapy of sorts, but this chapter in my life has been so different from anything i've known before. none of the "old rules" have applied. i truloy feel as if i walked through a very thick fog, stumbling, some days tripping and hurting, cursing (for sure) and having to use all my senses and inner something to finally come out on the other side. and the other side, my friends, has proved to be very sunny indeed. clouds still pass, surely, but the sun shines brightly here these days. my husband and i have begun to reconcile in new and beautiful ways, growing as people and a couple in ways i never knew were possible. the pain and process were a small sacrifice for this new and promising future.

i have learned so very much in this growing and changing period. i am soooo thankful for all the kindness of others and the wisdom my dear friends have shared. i am grateful for my children, who have certainly not been left unscathed and have trooped along the path to HERE. i am so grateful for love and family and creativity that comes with angst and uncertainty(is'nt it always the way? the shittier i feel, the more i get done). i am thankful for inner strength and letting go... it is so hard. who's to say tomorrow will be great? nobody can for sure. i do know now, though, that love truly may conquer all.

what's wrong with this picture?

2008-03-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

oh, let's count, shall we? just for fun.

1. the baby is facedown

2. the baby is facedown on her blankie

3. the baby is facedown on her blankie with 2 baby-dolls under her arm

4. there is a cat in the crib

5. there is a cat in the crib right near the baby's head

6. the baby is completely sideways

7. the baby is completely sideways AND her feet are hanging through the bars of the crib

i have been told that my parent-of-the-year award is ready for pickup anytime i want to come and get it.

the lighter side of things... literally

2008-03-25T16:12:00.000-07:00

thanks for the nice comments yesterday, i really appreciated those. after that somewhat heavy post, i thought that i'd lighten things up a bit...

i found and refinished a darling 4' clawfoot tub when we first purchased our house 4 years ago, it had always been a dream of mine to have one and this small-scale guy fit perfectly into our first-floor bathroom. unfortunately, the bathroom needed a lot of work but my husband (the carpenter, who i must defer to in these matters) refused to redo the bathroom until the kitchen remodel was accomplished. this past summer i finally got my kitchen (which i love, love, love) and we moved on to the bathroom that got new walls, new vanity, new sink, new shower, new toilet, new shelving, you get it, right? right. NO NEW PLUMBING. i have been asking for this tub to be plumbed in for every birthday, anniversary and holiday for the past four years and up until my husband( who is wary of me at best lately) finally broke last week and called a plumber for an appraisal, i honestly felt that i would have lived in the kitchen as it was and made do with the bathroom the way it was just to have that freaking tub. so i'll bet you think this is a story about my sweet little tub and how they plumbed her right in and we lived in happily-ever -after clawfooted bliss? you would be wrong, but thanks for the nice thoughts. the plumbing is still not installed, but will did have the plumber come to give us an estimate.

and that, my friends, is not called "plumber's butt" for nothing. my kids nearly died when i took these pictures, but how could i not?
one antique clawfoot tub: $55, one contractor estimate :$25, tilting the camera at a precarious angle while your estranged husband makes throat-slitting motions all in the name of getting a good shot of a real plumber crack? PRICELESS.

leaps and bounds

2008-03-25T04:29:00.000-07:00

with one's first child all those tiny miracles and milestones get noticed, fussed over, analyzed, and recorded. the next of the lot gets much of the same attention with a few exceptions so as not to make child number one feel underrated. any child following gets thrown right to the wolves and told to fend for themselves.

my parenting experience has been so varied and unique i don't think there is anything that hasn't happened or been tried. i've been a single, working mom, i've been a married stay-home mom to my child and step-child, i've been a part-time working mom with three children at home. i've worked nights, i've worked weekends, and then when my now six-year-old turned two i decided that after we moved to maine i was going to commit to being a stay-home mom and the waldorf-style of parenting. whatever it took. i think it was a struggle for us all. my older two in kindergarten and home all day with the youngest there were some attachment and jealousy issues that arose, but we worked through it. i realized being consistently with my two year old, what i had missed. even though i'd never worked full time since his birth, i think that my mind was in constant "go" mode. i so appreciated getting some of those milestone moments with him. it was almost like having a new baby starting from age two.

when olivia was born four years later there was never a question of what i'd do. i am now happy to sew from home and fill the orders whatever chance i get. not of necessity, but because it fulfills me in the way that working used to do in that empty sort of way. i think as people, not just as mothers, we sometimes tend to resent our lives or aspects of them when we are not producing. there is this innate drive to be something more. i know now that that piece can be filled by my creativity and nurtured as well.

i feel so genuinely lucky to have been blessed by so many lessons, despite the trials that still arise. i have to take time each day to reaffirm the fact that i am useful, even if i'm not doing anything. i have to remember that every day is a milestone in these children's lives. they are growing so quickly into these wonderful, creative human beings that i can't help but marvel at the fact that what i've done by doing nothing except what is natural to mothers, i've landed the best job on earth.

spring my ass

2008-03-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

we had a teaser last week. you know, one of those days plopped smack in the middle of a cold spell where the wind is'nt raw, the birds sing, the sun shines and you can smell the ground? i was slap-happy. i cleaned out the chicken coop, picked up the yard (don't you love when the snow melts and all the toys/ things that have been left outdoors over the winter begin to emerge and your house begins to like like a lot in a trailer park?) and HUNG OUT MY SHEETS. capital letters= important. line-dried anything is my idea of a good time, line-dried sheets are next in line to sleeping late, breakfast in bed, having a housekeeper, a shopping spree at the fabric store, etc., and since the listed are obviously not happening anytime in this lifetime, i get pretty psyched up for the line-dried sheets.

no sooner was the bedding flapping in the wind and the last of the trashiness being, well, trashed, than mr.wind kicked up followed by his friends mrs. sleet and mr. dark/ominous-looking sky. i called the kiddos and we ran for the cover of the cozy kitchen and some bread i had made, thoughts of spring vanished as we resolved ourselves to the bitter chill and fickle spring that is maine in march and april.

but yesterday there was this...

despite the whipping wind and brutal temps, a small speck of bright hope. he even felt it was alright to bring his lady-friend along. how nice.

happy,freakin' spring (wherever she may be)!

puff

2008-03-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

connor (my 6yr old) loves animals. when he was 3 we purchased chicks from a hatchery. 20 chicks. connor would go outside to the coop, fold 5 or so into his shirt and come inside and snuggle them on the couch. when connor was 4 he invited the goats inside the house. he could'nt get them to snuggle, but they did like the taste of the couch. when connor was 4 we had bunnies. you can guess what he did. he is my little dr.doolittle and i love his kind spirit and love of animals and fascination with nature. no matter how wild or fresh a child is, i feel that when they posess a tru love of animals they have a true and kind soul. connor's absolute favorite animals are cats, though. i'm not sure what the fascination with the "snuggle"is, but it has never lost it's magic for connor. he loves the fact that you can take a cat to bed with you. it blows him away. we have a few older cats that like to be out at night or are'nt much for snuggling, and being that connor is the king of the slow and excrutiating emotional break-down, our lives for the past year went something like this:

connor: "mommy?"

me:"yes...."

connor: "where are you going?"

me: "to the----(store, post office,etc.)"

connor: "oh, i thought you were going to get me my cat."

hmmmm....

or like this:

connor: "mommy?"

me: "yes?"

connor: "what's in that bag?"

me: "it's just a bag of (trash, groceries, mail, etc)"

connor: "oh, i thought it was my cat."

connor turned 6 this january.

he got

the

damn

cat

and he was right. you aint never had a snuggle 'till you've snuggled puff (the magic dragon, of course).

tradition

2008-03-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

i have to admit, i've not been completely forthcoming. those of you who know me know that the sarcasm and wit (toot, toot, that was my OWN horn) are not a facade, they're a very big part of who i am. but... they are also a defense/ deflect tactic. let's lay it out there, shall we? about 3 months ago my husband and i decided (or i decided after reaching the end of a very long rope) that it was time for us to separate. there are so many things that led to this point, deep, deep old scars and new ones, too.

i think as a parent we tend to think of our children first, always. being a stay-home mom, my kids are my life. i live, sleep and breathe home. it is what i do. i create safety, comfort and beauty to nurture this family in. i felt that by separating from my husband i would be shattering all i, all we had struggled so hard to create. what is a homemaker without a home?

i have slowly come to realize, though not yet fully and not without struggle, that home still can be all the things i strive to create, only... different. it has been hard. i am working daily on myself, struggling to keep my head up some days and full of hope others. i am so lucky to have such a great family close by and a wonderful circle of friends.

the hardest part in all of this has been the change in routine. especially in a large family like ours we all seem to fall into roles and the days take certain shape again and again. for us there was always the one that got up with the older kids for school, and the other would tend to the baby so everyone was fed and on time. mornings have become a struggle now. one child with disabilities needing total guidance some mornings, one pre-teen waiting for the bathroom, one kindergartner needing breakfast and bags packed and dragon toys for naptime and snacks for circle time and a baby needing well, what babies need. everything. all of them needing so much and so little to go around. dinnertime has always been family time and i have tried my damndest to keep it that way. maybe some nights we have breakfast for dinner or even make your own sandwich night while olivia claws at my leg and screams to be held or nursed, but we do it. we will do it.

the nights my husband comes to have dinner with the kids have become salvation for me. i take a project and shove it in my bag and head over to my parent's house where we have a QUIET supper and relax a bit afterward. i felt guilty, initially, about these quiet evenings away from home, but then grew to knew without them i'd surely burn out. i am so grateful for the support and quiet refuge my parent's house offers both my kids and i.

(view out the back door over the river @ my parent's)

sunday night is spaghetti night, it has been since i was a child. when my husband and i first met he was introduced to my parents over spaghetti. he proposed to me while i was cooking spaghetti in the kitchen of our first home. so many stories have been shared, so many lessons woven into the fabric of our family and so many memories made over a table smelling deliciously of cornbread, salad, and spaghetti, always the same sauce from the moosewood cookbook staining the lips and fingers of first two, then three, now four children. even my husband comes sometimes.

the draw of the familiarity and warmth these traditions offer in any family is hard to deny. i know my husband feels it still. sometimes over our plates i can look at him and remember without hurting, surrounded by love and children and food and smiles and slurping, that these are the things that bind us together always.

life is changing for us all and i'm certain that many traditions will be tweaked and altered and our hearts will bend and break a bit while we struggle to find our way through this mess, but there is one thing i know for certain...

sunday night is spaghetti night, and everyone who's anyone will be there.

tah dah...

2008-03-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

i have been making custom items for a local diaper shop (maineclothdiapercompany.com) over the past 8 months or so and absolutely having a blast doing it. the women at the shop are soooo supportive of local moms and most importantly, they feed my ego. what? you know you love a good pat on the back, too.

recently, the owner came up with the idea to do some boy and girl items with a lobster theme (maine, summer, tourists, you get the gist). i have to admit, being quite the "un-themey" gal, i was hesitant. the last thing i wanted to do for her or for me was to create something "touristy" or cheesy. after drafting a few designs and using a pattern that i got at goodwill for $0.29 and tweaked, we came up w/ these...

for the lassies:

linen exterior/ cotton interior

cotton/cotton

and for the laddies:

linen exterior/ cotton interior

cotton/cotton

what do you think? i made 12 in total and am really happy w/ the finished product. the pants are fully reversible and i devised a little loop closure for the cuff to hold 'em up. the appliques all vary, too and i made the smocks double-button adjustable so that they have even more growing room.

i've been making these smocks for olive since she was a wee one (because now she's all grown up at 15 months) and i love them because in the summer w/ cloth diaper or bloomers they are a great shortie dress and in the colder months they are a great smock dress over shirt and pants. my daughter loved them so i made one for her, she's 10 and also for some other older kiddos ages 2 and 3.

whew! now on to the next project...

forgive me father...

2008-03-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

for i have made these....

when the kiddos get home from school they usually have this...

it was there, ready and waiting, you saw it, right? the healthy stuff? that's the usual me, really. well folks, then the p.m.s kicked in and i did that thing that you are NEVER EVER as a parent supposed to do, and i'm not proud. i used my children as a scapegoat and i forced them into making these cinnamon rolls because mommy wants them to have a treat every once and a while and she loves them very much and oh my goodness they did it they made them and then

ate

FOUR.

it was the p.m.s., i swear.

i am not proud, but under the circumstances, i did what had to be done.

little green dress

2008-03-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

my olive (really "olivia" but nicknamed this by my son because i soooo craved green olives during my pregnancy) has been the mannequinn and inspiration for many a clothing creation. i love kid's clothing and feel so inspired by vintage styles and patterns. i love that i can whip up and outfit in an hour due to the small scale.

those of you who know me know that i am not a fan of delayed gratification. good things come to those who wait? why wait. now now now, i say.

so.... yesterday an idea

and a bit of pattern-making

a few hours, some green linen, black and white polka dot fabric and more naughty words than i care to admit to later we have this(front view)

(back view)

so, whaddya think? i could'nt get the model to show it off, she was napping, but you bet your bippy she looks DAMN CUTE in it.

boys will be boys

2008-03-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

we have a unique family. my 9-yr.-old stepson taylor has called me "mom" since around 18 mos., and my daughter, age 10, has called my husband "dad" just as long. after blending our families as single parents i became a stay-home mom to the 2 oldest. it was a bit like having twins, as they are only 7 mos. apart. raising my stepson has been challenging to say the least. he has many physical and emotional issues that keep presenting and changing. my life as his mother has been challenging yet the gifts he has given me are priceless. he is slowly growing into his own, and although the challenges are still (always) there, he is becoming more of his own person. his team of specialists are exploring (at my insistence) the possibility of "asperger's syndrome", which is a very high-functioning form of autism. i have been told that i have a very sarcastic and sometimes dark sense of humor, and when he goes off on a monologue about one of his favorite subjects (he's like and encyclopedia) his serious delivery just about kills me.

connor came along when taylor was about 3 1/2, and he is everything taylor finds disturbing in this world. he lives life like he's in a mosh pit at a rock show, the more noise and chaos the better (i know i've mentioned his red hair and freckles). connor makes up songs and rhymes and talks goofy nonsense nonstop. he'd rather be hammering something together than quietly reading, like taylor.

they just don't get each other.

it's hard as a parent to find that happy medium when you have kids that are different in age and personality type. it is almost impossible to find common ground between the two, which can be heartbreaking as a mom. i have to let this go and let them be themselves. i tell myself that there are many different personalities out there, and they're each going to have to find a way to deal with that.

but there is a strange freezing/thawing phenomenon that takes place a few times a winter on a large area on our acreage. it creates an ice arena just perfect for kids with no water underneath for mom to fret over (ocd,ocd,ocd). when the planets align we get this:

and this:

and loads of this:

and maybe, just maybe, if the spirit moves them...

this.

ah, the mysteries of brotherhood revealed. one part red hair and freckles, one part pint-sized genius, add sun, ice and skates and mix well. enjoy!

some stuff i did...

2008-03-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

now that the housework has truly gone by the wayside, i thought i'd share a few things i've made from vintage patterns recently...

they're in the etsy shop.

hi,there...

2008-03-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

i'm an avid blog reader. i have my favorites, i rarely leave comments. a "lurker" if you will. anyone scared? don't be. the thought of having a blog to call my own scares the crap out of me. what if i don't post daily? what if people think i'm boring? what if i post something stupid and can't take it back and everyone hates me? being that i'm bursting with self-confidence, i think today's the day. bear with me folks, if the lack of capitalization has'nt clued you into my lack of time and energy, my posting just might.

some stuff about me:

i have 4 kids (yes,4)

i have 2 kids named "taylor", my adopted son and my daughter(my daughter goes by "tilly")

my 6-yr-old has bright red hair and freckles (none of us do)

my 15-month-old says "shit" sometimes (i did'nt do it, i swear)

i make children's clothing and other stuff

i just started selling on etsy... (shameless plug: liziedoos.etsy.com)

i have ocd (obsessive compulsive disorder) no really, you'll see

i have ocd

those of us who have it can do things like that, the rest of ya better just be quiet while i finish washing my hands, mopping the floor, bleaching the toilet, giving the cat a bath(you get the picture)

i'm scared of being alone at night. not stranger/ robber scared, like boogeyman scared. i still leap off the bed to go to the bathroom at night

oh come on, you know you don't want it grabbing your feet either....