Friday, August 29, 2008


i have stated many times in the past years that there seems to be a growing trend towards having a new baby every two years. it seems everyone in our circle of friends adhered directly to the "two year rule". having such a unique family (having my oldest daughter and my stepson be 8mos apart was a lot like having twins for a while so we waited until they were 4 before connor came along and connor was 5 when olivia was born)i always thought that i'd rather have a lobotomy than a 2 yr old and a newborn. it just seemed so hard.

okay y'all, i get it now. not that i'm thinking of having any more anytime soon (then a lobotomy would be in order) but i'm seeing where the urge to reproduce again stems from. over the past few months my baby has stopped being a baby and i think it's so clear and almost painful to watch this time around because she's so very much the baby, her closest sibling is almost 6 years older!
i find myself lately wanting to do all those things that parents do as their babies become more and more like little people and less like babbling mini-humans. i watch her sleep, i smell her soft (and oh -so -sparse) baby hair, i cry when she ballet dances with her big sister, i kiss her toes, listen to her sing, and rock her to sleep whenever she'll let me (she's a slippery little bugger). phil and i joke she'll have to go to kindergarten with a note in her lunch box reading," please excuse olivia jane at lunch today, she will be going home to nurse". i just can't get enough of this kid, you guys. she's moving out of babyhood and on to independence and individuality and it pulls my heart in so may ways how she needs me soooo badly one minute, and can't race away fast enough on her radio flyer the next.
our lives are hectic and in constant motion around here, and with 4 kiddos its easy to feel like you are missing something that someone is doing. my goal is to try harder to celebrate the NOW with my children. being the ocd personality that i am, its easy for me to be more of a human doing than a human being. olivia brings me back to center. back to the place where i need to and hug and laugh and cherish a just watch.
what an amazing and crazy thing to be able to create life and know that this being is not ever really your child at all, but her very own person, entrusted to us by some magical, mystical thing. i will watch you grow, olivia, i will let you be you and thank you for giving me so many opportunities to reflect on the true meaning of life.