with one's first child all those tiny miracles and milestones get noticed, fussed over, analyzed, and recorded. the next of the lot gets much of the same attention with a few exceptions so as not to make child number one feel underrated. any child following gets thrown right to the wolves and told to fend for themselves.
my parenting experience has been so varied and unique i don't think there is anything that hasn't happened or been tried. i've been a single, working mom, i've been a married stay-home mom to my child and step-child, i've been a part-time working mom with three children at home. i've worked nights, i've worked weekends, and then when my now six-year-old turned two i decided that after we moved to maine i was going to commit to being a stay-home mom and the waldorf-style of parenting. whatever it took. i think it was a struggle for us all. my older two in kindergarten and home all day with the youngest there were some attachment and jealousy issues that arose, but we worked through it. i realized being consistently with my two year old, what i had missed. even though i'd never worked full time since his birth, i think that my mind was in constant "go" mode. i so appreciated getting some of those milestone moments with him. it was almost like having a new baby starting from age two.
when olivia was born four years later there was never a question of what i'd do. i am now happy to sew from home and fill the orders whatever chance i get. not of necessity, but because it fulfills me in the way that working used to do in that empty sort of way. i think as people, not just as mothers, we sometimes tend to resent our lives or aspects of them when we are not producing. there is this innate drive to be something more. i know now that that piece can be filled by my creativity and nurtured as well.
i feel so genuinely lucky to have been blessed by so many lessons, despite the trials that still arise. i have to take time each day to reaffirm the fact that i am useful, even if i'm not doing anything. i have to remember that every day is a milestone in these children's lives. they are growing so quickly into these wonderful, creative human beings that i can't help but marvel at the fact that what i've done by doing nothing except what is natural to mothers, i've landed the best job on earth.